Through some insight into my life journey, may I inspire you grow through your challenges in life, discover the true essence of who you are, and the gifts you came to share with humanity.
Originally, I started this website to offer private mentoring to people anywhere in Australia. In 2019 after 25 years, I retired, and are now focusing on building a body of knowledge to help people discover and embrace their true selves.
I am a modern mystic, free spirit, intuitive, vegan, introvert, minimalist, autistic and neurodivergent. A modern mystic is down to earth, and their heart connects with the higher self. A free spirit follows their heart and embraces an ever-changing path.
I have a background in nursing, the fitness and health industry, energy healing, healing therapies, flower-crystal essence manufacturing, massage therapy and 25 years professional mentoring. I have also been a singer song writer and recording artist since 2000.
My philosophy is simple, Live the life your soul wants. Living the life the soul wants is the way of the heart. It is a state of consciousness, which shines through in how we meet the world. I do not chase life goals, ambitions or strive to become something important in the eyes of others or myself. I write music, meditations and articles to help awaken the heart of others so they may discover their true selves and share their gifts with humanity.
I do not tell all the details of my back story because I focus on the now and people do not need to carry the greater details of my trauma in their heads. However, I will share some things to help people understand why I am where I am now. This is a concise back story of my life, and decades old so please appreciate I have had plenty of time to transmute the emotions associated with it, thus I have evolved.
This story was written before I discovered I was autistic in 2021 at the age of 63, which now makes my whole life make more sense. I have always known I was very different from most people around me. You can read more about that in the autistic journey section here.
I live a reclusive life from many things, thus spend most of my time on my own than with people. Its simplicity allows me to fulfil my dharma and like anyone I am a work in progress. I will not leave a legacy behind by by name, thus any seeds I plant that fall on fertile ground will be carried by those who opened their hearts to their real selves.
In 1985 when I was 27 years old, I had a spiritual awakening after experiencing 3 life changing tragedies only months apart. As a result I had a major breakdown. I battled with suicide, became anorexic and tried to take my own life. During this process I had a spiritual awakening and began to transform my life.
I was born in Wanganui, New Zealand on the 7th February 1958. I first came to Australia in 1977 and many years later wen back to New Zealand to live. I then returned to Australia two years later, where I have lived in various states and cities since. I currently reside in Canberra.
I had a traumatic childhood at the hands of a physically and emotionally abusive mother. I was terrified of her and always in a constant state of high anxiety, and why I left home at 16 years. My father was a kind man, but he never protected me from this abuse. As a result, I developed low self-worth, chronic anxiety, PTSD, and severe irritable bowel syndrome. I was highly strung, nervy and on edge most of the time. I was often sick having many bouts of tonsillitis, strep throats, including ulcerative colitis and glandular fever.
I knew when I was 9 years old, I wanted to be a nurse when finishing school. I started my nursing training at the age of sixteen and a half. Entry level was age 17 but they made an exception for me to start early. It was not until I started nursing that I realised the extent of my intuitive abilities. I would know when someone was in great need or was about to arrest so I would be the first person in their room.
I didn't know what an empath was so I carried around the burden of others as my own. I spiralled down even more and developed ulcerative colitis, which I was hospitalised for. Later I was able to hone this better so I did not take on so much of the emotional pain of others. I also did not know I was autistic then, so given my strong sensory issues I was constantly in a state of sensory overload.
During my second return to New Zealand, I severely injured my neck and back at work and sustained a cervical disc lesion which was to later end my 20-year nursing career. It became clear I would not be able return to nursing, so I went back to Australia to pursue a new path.
In 1993, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and later with chronic fatigue syndrome and still live with them both today. I believe they manifested out of a life of trauma. My chronic illnesses are severe. Since then I have had plenty of time to exam all possible avenues of treatment. I use a holistic approach to my health. Unfortunately many aspects of my illness are not really treatable through medicine, as medicine hasn't progressed well with these conditions over the last couple of decades.
In 1994 at the age of 36 years old I began to professionally mentor others. We cannot help others well enough unless we have already transformed from our own past, and are able to then deconstruct the wisdom, so we can help other people. Experience is not wisdom, it is only when we have understood our own suffering that we have wisdom.
In 1999, three weeks before my 41st birthday, I met my now husband and married in December 2000. Our journey together has brought us both a lot of growth. When people embrace their purpose as a couple, a soulmate can help us evolve in ways we cannot do when single. We have been mentors to each other and have supported each other in fulfilling our purposes in life.
I started playing guitar and writing songs in 2000 at the age of 42. I am a slow writer and composer, as I only write music when the heart truly asks. Music has always played a significant part in my life, and I came to understand that the right music can open the door to the heart, allow healing, and help us feel the essences of our true selves.
I have walked a spiritual path for 37 years and during that time I have explored spirituality through many different non-religious philosophies including theosophy. In my early twenties I became a Buddhist for many years and still live my life Buddhist influenced. For this reason I walk the noble eightfold path and believe these principals hold the key to evolving and leading a spiritual life.
I met my spiritual teacher Ananda Tara Shan in 1994. She gave me my spiritual name Devaki. Ananda was a great mentor, mystic and teacher. She brought attention to how important it was for me to use my music abilities as a vehicle to heal myself and help awaken the heart of others. Ananda passed to the inner levels in 2002.
We are always given the perfect body for our lessons. However, spiritual growth challenges the inner and while that may bring a lot of benefit to the life, it can also bring inner challenges, which can cause or exacerbate existing health issues. I also now understand these health issues are there to help me stay on track in discovering who I am and what I came here to learn, experience and understand.
Awakening to the heart is only the beginning of the journey to self realisation. Until we experience inner truth, the true self is not experienced. When we start to experience our true selves, many inner conflicts are resolved and our beliefs become based on inner truth rather than life experiences. We then must live in that awareness, as the true self continues to reveal itself to us.
The penny dropped one day after a series of events were put in my way that led me to explore if I might be autistic.
Interesting this came at a stage of my life where I am now on a disability support pension for my fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I don’t know what life would have been like had I known earlier, but I do know that I never achieved or understood anything in life in any neurotypical way.
For most of my life I knew that I wasn't like anyone else around me, but autism was never on my radar even though there were so many clues to support it. My family kept telling me there was something very wrong with me, and that I needed to learn to be like other children. I also recently discovered I have ADHD which seem to go hand in hand for many autistic people. I saw a psychologist for concerns about ADHD in 2016 who dismissed it. I also have comorbidities of OCD, PDA (pathological demand avoidance), autistic general and social anxiety and several chronic illnesses.
Over the years from my twenties through to my forties and fifties I have seen psychologists, only to be diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, and depression. This is a story we hear from many autistic people who have been wrongly diagnosis. Knowing these things were being fuelled by autism would have changed a lot in the help I have received. For instance, GAD and depression displays different in autistic people compared to non-autistic individuals.
I have strong sensory issues with smells, noise, and lights that when I was at school I could not concentrate so was often sent out of the classroom or ridiculed in front of the class to sit in front of them with a book on my head or my nose in a ring on the blackboard. That would send me into a meltdown or panic attack, so I was sent outside to get over it without any support.
I have never wanted a best friend or have done very well with friendships long term. People hung around me a lot as a child and as an adult, but all I wanted was to be on my own. In my school days I would go to the toilet so I could be alone and away from the noises that were stressing me. People would hug me all the time without asking or pinch my cheeks because they thought I was cute. I don’t like to be hugged without being asked and can’t bear having my cheeks pinched. Even when people ask if they can hug me, I will often say no, it just depends on how I am feeling at the time.
I was a very picky eater as a child and many foods would upset my stomach along with other various sensory and food intolerance issues. I was made to eat many foods I could not tolerate, so every opportunity I had I would feed these foods to our dog under the table. I liked to eat the same set things for my meals and still do eat this way today along with being vegan. Routine and repetitive behaviour is very important to me. For this reason, I also wear the same type of clothes every day, and only wear the colours blue, black, grey, and white.
Because of my social and sensory anxiety, my music career did not go anywhere as they wanted me to gig to promote my debut album. I thought I could just do it as a recording artist but that only works if you are already successful. My anxiety has got worse as I have aged because I cannot keep the masking up. I think all the years of using my anxiety to propel myself has been so exhausting, that it just caught up with me.
All my school reports from primary school through to high school said - does not listen or apply herself, paying attention and focus is poor, uninterested, disrupting the class, talking too much. distracted, daydreaming, could do better. I was labelled to name a few uncooperative, rebellious, blunt, shy, and too sensitive, lacks impulse control and constantly butting in when spoken to. I threw them out some years ago along with all my school photos because I did not want them hanging around as a reminder. Turns out they would have come in handy for an autism and ADHD diagnosis.
I ask a lot of questions until I understand something so by the time I have asked for the third time, they are raising their voices loudly at me which just causes more sensory issues. I then have to say I am not deaf, I don’t ‘understand yet. Sometimes because of this I will pretend I understood just for peace, which I did a lot more as a child, and pretending to understand comes with other consequences.
My facial expressions don’t often match what is going on. I am told I am smiling when I am in a lot of physical pain or look guilty for something I did not do, and many things like that. I became the comedy act entertainment for other people to laugh at who found me amusing. My mother used to roll around on the floor laughing at me, and I did not know what was so funny. I often get told you pull funny faces, or that face of yours. I always asked what’s so funny, but no one would give me an explanation.
Growing up, at school and at home, I got into so much trouble for the expressions on my face. I was sent out of the classroom because the teacher said I was smirking at them or I was blamed for other children’s behaviour, because I was always singled out as the one behaving inappropriately. My mother’s response to this was emotional and physical violence.
I have always struggled with when it is my turn to speak in a conversation. I have been told many times to stop interrupting especially from people close to me. When I feel there a pause for me to speak, I am told they have not finished, and I am interrupting. For this reason, I don’t like being in groups so avoid them like the plague. I prefer one on one or with no more than two people. In groups I will be silent because I find it too difficult to work out when I can speak, so even though I may have much to add or share, I remain silent.
Many autistic people have spent their entire lives being misunderstood and in trouble for their behaviour. I would often be asked what you are looking at, or don’t stare its rude. My short-term memory is poor so if I was given an instruction as a child, I would repeat it aloud until I had delivered the message or had done what was asked of me. If people spoke to me during this process, I would just keep repeating it over them until I had delivered the message. I still do it sometimes now, but in my head rather than out aloud if people are around.
Initially I was relieved to know I was neurodivergent because it made my whole life make more sense, and then I became angry I am only having this confirmed at 63 years old, I am now 64. In some ways I feel I would be better off not knowing I am autistic, as it has impacted heavily on my mental health and exacerbated my anxiety and chronic illnesses even more. I know I am still me but I feel like something was stolen from me, and I have been living a lie all my life.
I am now moving forward discovering what it means to be autistic viewing and understanding life through autistic lens. I know there's a much bigger picture unfolding for me to discover, so I try to keep focused on the now and allow the the journey to unfold before me as best I can.
The following is a concise outlook on what I bring to the table.
I am trained in nursing, midwifery and specialised in spinal nursing, head injuries, infectious diseases and have worked a lot with disabilities. I have also worked in a wide range of other areas in nursing. I am also trained in fitness and health, remedial, sports and relaxation massage, healing therapies, and other non conventional therapies.
I have a great understanding of what makes people tick, and share my own unique insights and understanding of that. My insights don’t come from textbooks but rather through a life lived and the wisdom I have gained through my own suffering, living a spiritual life and doing much inner work. I am also highly intuitive. I am well accomplished in and have taught about for over 37 years - alternative medicine, health-fitness, spirituality-growth, path to self-realisation, mindfulness, meditation, guided imagery, contemplation, self-awareness, self-discovery and following the heart.
I also practice mindfulness meditation twice a day in 2 sessions morning and night and bring mindfulness into all that I do whether it be cleaning my teeth, cooking, playing music etc. I also do meditation, contemplation, yoga, stretching and exercise everyday and have used CBT for many years in helping myself as well.
I privately mentored people for 25 years until retiring in December 2019. I have been a singer songwriter since 2000 and released an album in music shops. Prior to that I worked as a nurse and midwife for 20 years, ran my own healing centre for 5 years. I have also worked in retail, managed two large gymnasium complex's, trained body builders and was also one myself for a good decade. Presently I spend my time writing for my website and composing music and lyrics.
I have spent half my working life helping neurodivergent people without even knowing it. They were likely attracted to me for the same reason, and when discovering me they formed a sense of trust from the beginning. 2 years after retiring from mentoring I discovered I was autistic.
I don’t support this, where do you see yourself in 5 years kind of stuff. I live in the now and follow the path right in front of me and help others do the same. The past is only a collection of present thoughts, and the future is yet to come. Focusing on what has not been revealed yet is only a vehicle for anxiety and I don't need any more of that and neither does anyone else.
Focusing on what’s real is how we live our life purpose. We don’t have one sole purpose in life, we have many life purposes to fulfil, and the more present we are with the journey we are taking now, the more we see where we are going. I have helped many people in the 25 years I mentored understand themselves, their path and why they are where they are now. I am presently contemplating coming out of retirement in a small way to offer heart centred mentoring again, but I am still meditating on whether this aligns with my dharma now.
Many people end up living a life they don’t feel is an expression of their true self. This is because of the false perceptions they have about themselves, so they don’t know how to self-evaluate well.
I have refined my skills, and abilities in a unique way that creates awareness for people to understand themselves. My aim is to help people learn to self-evaluate and identify their own inner wisdom. This allows a person more self-awareness, how to improve, and how to maintain that. I focus on what’s highly relevant to help people understand themselves, so they can embrace their true selves and purpose in life with more ease.
The sessions are not goal-oriented, where I push or drive a person. I meet people where they are and help them navigate their life path to discover who they are, and what they are capable of. I help people understand the implications of what they discover, and explore strategies with them for handling those, rather than send them away with a whole lot of information they must make sense of by themselves.
I can intuitively ask the right questions that assist people in understanding why they are where they are now, identify patterns, beliefs and thoughts that hold them back, and know what to do to change life for the better. After a session, a person generally feels a better sense of inner peace, direction and insight about their life.
Please note that private sessions with me are currently not available, and I will let it be known when and if they become available again.