Struggles

All autistic people are struggling to some degree no matter their diagnosis and should be met where they are and have their support needs taken seriously.

Some autistic people heavily mask and others not so much so this does play a factor in what is seen and unseen to the outside world. I was diagnosed with level 2 autism and while others like to say it means nothing which is dismissive, it does mean something. While I don’t focus on levels it gave me validation for the support need’s I have had all my life and the fact they were poorly met due to many factors.

When other autistic people say they mean nothing, I do not agree nor do I support the shame some try to project on people for making that known. Autism is not a one size fits all thrive in life when most are surviving at best. Being intelligent, or smart doesn’t equal we can function in a world that is full of sensory overloading obstacles. We cannot pretend we all cope and achieve the same in life and why levels do mean something. Do they define us, no because we are all unique human beings just like anyone else on the planet.

I spent my whole childhood, adulthood, working life, and marriage of 25 years without knowing I was autistic. Finally knowing that was a huge eye opener to the life I had lived. It also brought much clarity for my spouse of 25 years, as it changed their perspective on many things about our life together. I basically spent more than 6 decades doing a poor job of presenting neurotypical. I compensated by hiding many things I needed help with by making up false reasons to get assistance with a lot of things. I felt like a B grade actor trying to work out life without a script.

The world at large does not treat autistic people with compassion and why we are seeing in bringing more awareness about autism, has also created it being used as a weapon to manipulate and use it against autistic people. We need to discern and not make excuses for people's bad behaviour. I do feel for some autistic people who identify as weird, it is there way of trying to find acceptance if they go along with people's projections of who they are. In the end we must ask, are their intentions in our best interest or are they using our neurodivergence to take pot shots and for entertainment.

I also have chronic trauma from an abusive upbringing and ongoing traumatic experiences in life. I experience emotional dysregulation and sometimes to the point I cannot speak without rubbish coming out of my mouth. I am deregulated when overwhelmed, experiencing sensory issues and being around to many people so, I often go selective mute because talking dysregulates me even more. I feel many autisitc people dysregulate themselves by their own emotions, talking a lot etc thus over stimulating themselves.

Of course, talking too much is also a response to being deregulated as well because of the anxiety it creates. I am more introverted, so I am quite happy being in my own space, I am for the most part non-verbal when I go out of my home as, it makes so much difference. The thing that regulates me the most is exercise, not sitting still or resting. I exercise daily alternating between a rowing machine and treadmill for 30 mins. I also do not use a computer or phone, after 7pm. I spend my evenings relaxing before sleep which involves reading, listening to music and watching movies.

If I was to give advice to our younger generation, I would say don’t give so much power to knowledge and societies opinion of where we should be and what we have in life. This is not in our best interest, and these projections are for their own gain. Conforming to this manipulation only derails us in discovering our true selves and purpose in life. We don’t get to live our purpose in life by following other people’s rules.

Being ourselves is all about discovery. Follow your own heart and make good use of the mileage otherwise little wisdom will be gained. Wisdom is only gained by understanding our challenges, as there is no right use of knowledge. I may have wisdom, but I also have the wisdom to know I will always be a work in progress until I leave this earth, so it best to embrace the journey because there’s always more to learn.

True compassion is wisdom of the heart and the realisation we are one with all beings. Through compassion towards one another we can heal and alleviate much of the suffering of humanity. As individuals we can begin to heal the consequences of the past, complex mental health conditions, grief, and trauma. We do this with compassion towards others and ourselves. If we need therapy, we are best to seek out those who use compassion to ask the right questions at the right time, so we can better understand the journey we are taking, and how to live a meaningful life on our own terms.