Modern recluse

A recluse will tend to withdraw from a social life and prefers to spend most of their time on their own. Solitude isn't about the absence of people it's about being in the presence of ourselves.

Being reclusive is not a one size fits all. It could be a person who lives alone and doesn’t leave the house much or they may live with others but keep to themselves most of the time. They could be married but avoid socialising with other people. It’s mainly about how a person chooses to live socially not whether they live alone or not.

Two recluses can live together and share a place, so it becomes a private space for two without the outside world of family pressures and noise. Social events and chasing life are treated as unnecessary noise. They can co-exist enjoying the quiet comfort of another’s presence allowing each other solitude. They are together by choice, not out of a need to fill a void. It allows them to be their own person while sharing a life with each other whether friends, partners or spouses.

Modern society demands constant social and emotional transactions, but intentional solitude is a refusal to pay that tax. Living a reclusive life in a city is a distinct experience where we are physically surrounded by millions of people but intentionally choose to disengage and maintain a private existence.

You can be a recluse living in a city just as you can living in the bush as we don’t have to live in cabin in the bush and can just close our front door and live inside our home on our own terms. We can be surrounded by thousands of people in a city and still live an almost entirely solitary life. It’s about living physically among society but socially separate from it.

We can enjoy a solitary life if it meets our needs. We do not have to conform to a social life if that’s not what we want as we are not here to satisfy other people’s expectations of what that should look like. Being a recluse doesn’t mean a person is antisocial in the sense of disliking humanity. It’s quite possible to feel connected to humanity without needing the tactile experience of it. We can appreciate people from a distance and still prefer not to have them in our everyday life thus we feel part of humanity without needing to be submerged in its everyday social rituals.

Some people withdraw because they really enjoy solitude, privacy and the freedom to live on their own terms. Others withdraw because of anxiety, past experiences, disappointment with people or circumstances that have made socialising harder. Some who choose a reclusive life may experience a combination of all these things.

People do not understand those who choose a a reclusive life and often think it is antisocial behaviour, but it isn’t although it is a possible reason but generally it is not the case. This is because we live in a society that often treats friendship groups, outings, shopping trips, romantic relationships and regular socialising as a universal measure of what qualifies as a good life. But those are cultural expectations, not requirements for personal fulfilment.

Recluses often feel connected to humanity without wanting constant contact with individual human beings. They care about people, understand that they are part of a broader humanity, and have compassion for others without wanting friendships, social gatherings, small talk or regular companionship.