The myth of an inner child

We need to focus on integrating the fragmented parts of our personality that separated to protect us from trauma rather than trying to reparent an imagined inner child.

The concept of the inner child has been embraced in psychological and spiritual circles for decades. Many self-help books have been written on this subject, encouraging people to reconnect with their inner child to heal childhood trauma. The inner child is often described as a vulnerable part of us, frozen in time, holding memories and emotions from our childhood.

As adults, we carry the memories, feelings, and experiences of our younger selves, as they are embedded in the structure of our current identity. The child no longer exists in isolation. Asking people to revisit childhood traumas and relive them can be ineffective and even harmful, leading to an unhealthy fixation on the past. This can cause more trauma and delay the healing process.

Emotional and psychological struggles in adulthood do not arise from an unfulfilled inner child, but from the unresolved experiences that have shaped our present reality. These unresolved emotions or traumas influence our relationships, careers, and sense of self. As a result, we may react to situations in ways that seem disproportionate or irrational, reflecting unprocessed pain and conflict from the past.

It is important to acknowledge that who we are today is the result of our past experiences. Our current capacity for emotional awareness and growth resides within the adult self. The adult has the potential to understand, process, change patterns, make decisions, and heal old wounds from a place of wisdom, resilience, and self-compassion. Instead of focusing on nurturing an inner child, we must recognize and confront the emotional and psychological struggles of our past within our mature selves to evolve.